Whew!
Now Playing: Yeah, I know I've been gone a while. Sorry, you two.
(listed roughly in the order in which I saw them)

THE FANTASTIC FOUR (2005, Tim Story)- not quite as lame as I was expecting, but not good either. It's certainly not as dark and serious as BATMAN BEGINS or the SPIDEY franchise, but much of the humor falls flat (despite Chris Evans' best efforts), Dr. Doom makes for a lame baddie, there's no chemistry between Jessica Alba and Iaon Gruffuffuff, and the rather sparse action scenes aren't all that exciting. It's harmless enough- it's probably doing well at the box office because it's less demanding than WAR OF THE WORLDS- but that doesn't quite cut it for me. Rating: *1/2.

HISTOIRE DE MARIE ET JULIEN (2003, Jacques Rivette)- I definitely need to see this again, but on first viewing I was positively entranced. Rivette lovers will find a lot to love here- languid pacing, piles-o'-books art direction, the expected great performances from Emmanuelle Beart and Jerzy Radziwilowicz. Likewise, his ability to apply his unique style to what could have simply been a forgettable genre piece has improved by leaps and bounds since SECRET DEFENSE (my least favorite Rivette of those I've seen). The final scene is sure to be a point of contention between romantics and cynics, but I loved it. Also, Beart boobies, for those interested parties. Rating: ***1/2.

IT'S A GIFT (1934, Norman Z. MacLeod)- everything I love about Fields movies is on display here, especially the uncomfortable nature of the big comic sequences. Fields movies were made by, about, and for put-upon misanthropic men who felt impotent in the face of difficult women, mischievious kids, and the like. That's what keeps them feeling completely modern in our more politically-correct world, I think, as many would maintain that this feeling of impotence has only become more pervasive since then. Rating: ***1/2.

DARK WATER (2005, Walter Salles)- yet another J-horror remake (I didn't bother with the original) with the usual storyline- kid dies and comes back to communicate with the living but can only scare them because, duh, she's a ghost. Yet the movie largely worked for me because the dramatic stuff was effective. Connelly of course excels as the mother whose issues only grow when the ghost comes on the scene, and the supporting cast is pretty awesome too (I especially enjoyed Tim Roth- where has he been lately?- as the only non-shyster lawyer in New York). The horror elements are almost an afterthought here, which may be why audiences aren't liking it, but I enjoyed the atmospheric style. This may be my favorite Salles film, but honestly that's not saying a lot. Rating: **1/2.

PASSPORT TO PIMLICO (1949, Henry Cornelius)- genial and fairly amusing, but I fear a lot of the satirical jabs may have been lost on a non-Anglophile half a century down the line. Rating: **1/2.

THE MAN IN THE WHITE SUIT (1951, Alexander Mackendrick)- I fear Ealing comedies may not be my thing, given that this is supposedly one of the greats and I merely liked it quite a bit. Alec Guinness is somewhat colorless (ha ha), though by design, while Joan Greenwood's awesome cultivated-yet-sultry voice and Ernest "Dr. Pretorius" Thesiger steal the show. Maybe I just need to see KIND HEARTS AND CORONETS... Rating: ***.

WEDDING CRASHERS (2005, David Dobkin)- lots of funny moments (dig Vaughn's "just the tip" speech or his demonstration of "motorboating"), but the trouble with a movie with "wedding" in the title is that too often the filmmakers feel the need to appeal to people who come to see a chick flick. Too bad, really, because the earnest romance between Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams clashes with the raucous, foul-mouthed majesty of the early scenes. Plus the "villainous" character of Sack is over-the-top in the wrong way- violent and psychotic, but not in a way that's funny. But Vaughn rules the movie, except whenever Isla Fisher's looney little sis character is onscreen. Rating: **.

THE ISLAND (2005, Michael Bay)- I always feel a little bad when I dislike a Michael Bay movie, since the guy's style is SO excessive, so cranked-up, that it should be right in my wheelhouse. Shame the movies themselves tend to be so stupid, although this one is slightly less so than usual, which creates a bit of a problem, as a GATTACA-style utopia-with-a-secret sci-fi drama careens repeatedly into a smash-'em-up Bay actioner, in which cars don't so much crash as SHRED. Don't know what detracts more- the rudimentary character motivations or the awkward comic relief (e.g. the "dude" scene). Plus there's Bay's usual reliance on all-American imagery, with Ewan MacGregor's "enlightened liberator" character oh-so-subtly named "Lincoln." Still, nice to see Djimon Hounsou playing a badass, even if he doesn't really get anything badass to do. Archetypal Bay moment comes when MacGregor sees a motorcycle for the first time: "I don't know what it is..." [pause] "... but I want one!" Rating: *1/2.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005, Tim Burton)- perhaps thirty years from now, the third time will be the charm. First movie had a better Wonka (Wilder's dry disdain trumps Depp's Jacko-esque stylings), but in this one the non-Wonka stuff is superior- better kids, better art direction, MUCH better songs. Loved the opening reel or so, with the poverty of the Bucket family a real presence in the film -the house is a design wonder- and real warmth and humor in the family (Freddie Highmore and David Kelly are great as Charlie and Grandpa Joe, respectively). Once they arrive at the factory, pickings are decidedly mixed, and the only time it really cooks from there on in is during Veruca's demise. It can only be a matter of time before an enterprising young editor attempts place Wilder's Wonka into this movie, which could turn out fascinating; but until then, read the book. Rating: **.

WERCKMEISTER HARMONIES (2000, Bela Tarr)- my first Tarr film, and now I see what Gus Van Sant was so excited about. I can't say I figured it all out on the first viewing, but I did like how the opening scene sets up the story as dealing with the ideal of cosmic order (as in the demonstration of the eclipse) only to see order pulled out from under the feet of the townspeople with the arrival of the traveling circus. Is the film saying that the whale and the Prince disrupted the careful order of the town (which Auntie Tunde clearly represents), or is the town's order an unnatural affectation to be torn asunder in favor of something more basic and primal (much like Uncle Gyorgy's musings on ransacking contemporary musical structure)? But who has time to answer this question on the first go-round when one can geek out on the gorgeous black-and-white cinematography and oh-so-smooth Steadicam work? There's even a side-by-side walking shot here, which Van Sant purloined (and somehow improved upon!) for GERRY. The raiding-the-hospital sequence is a marvel to behold. Is it too much to hope for that someone will put out SATANTANGO in DVD? Rating: ***1/2.

LOS OLVIDADOS (1950, Luis Bunuel)- it's Bunuel. Whaddya need, a map? Rating: ***1/2.